The article includes a chart breaking down expenses by age. One interesting fact is that the cost of raising a toddler is generally about the same as the cost for raising a teenager. In North Carolina, child support is generally calculated using the North Carolina Child Support Guidelines. The guidelines use several factors to determine the amount of child support the non-custodial parent must pay, but age of the child is not taken into account. I frequently hear people say that the amount of child support they’re paying is too high, because the child is very young and it just doesn’t cost that much to care for a young child. If the statistics in the article are accurate, the cost to raise a child doesn’t vary by age as much as people expect.

1) Dress appropriately. This is #1 on the list because it’s very important and often overlooked. In my opinion, it’s never a bad idea to wear a suit to court. Your attorney’s not going to show up in jeans and a t-shirt, so why should you? If you don’t own a suit, try to appear as professional as possible. Although this should be common sense, for some reason people frequently show up in dirty clothes, baseball caps and tank tops. Dressing appropriately shows respect for the court and lets the judge know that you take your case seriously.

2) Address the judge as “your honor” or “judge.”

3) Turn off your cell phone. A ringing cell phone can disrupt the proceedings. Some judges will even hold you in contempt if your phone rings, which can mean a fine or jail time. For almost everyone, court will be the most important thing you do that day. Turn your phone off before entering the courtroom and check your messages after court or during a break.

4)  Don’t interrupt the judge. If the judge is speaking to you or asking a question, always allow him or her to finish before you respond. Remember, the judge is the boss of the courtroom and cannot lose control.

5) Don’t argue with the judge. If the judge misunderstands the facts or the issue it’s important to attempt to clarify your point, but do so in a way that shows respect for the judge and his position.

6) Remain calm and in control of your emotions. If you’re testifying and genuinely can’t hold back some tears, that’s ok; it happens all the time. But shouting, making threats or throwing things is never acceptable behavior in the courtroom.

7) Be on time. If you’re late, the judge may dismiss your case. Be sure to allow extra time for parking and to get through security.

8 ) Respect the courtroom personnel. The clerk, deputy and others deal with many people every day, and their jobs are critical in making the justice system operate as smoothly as possible.

9) Use common sense. And if you just can’t figure out what to do, ask someone in a suit.

1)     Abandonment is irrelevant to the divorce proceedings. North Carolina is a “no-fault divorce” state, which means that fault is never an issue in the divorce nor a ground for divorce (keep in mind that in North Carolina the divorce order is separate from the orders for equitable distribution and alimony where fault may be important). There are only 2 grounds for divorce in North Carolina: separation for 12 months and insanity.

2)     There is no cause of action for abandonment. People often talk about abandonment as though it is something that you can be sued for, like breach of contract or negligence. To the best of my knowledge, there is no tort in North Carolina called abandonment.

3)     Within the context of North Carolina Family law, “abandonment” has 3 elements. These elements are (1) one spouse brings cohabitation to an end without justification, (2) without the consent of the other spouse and (3) without the intent of renewing it. Panhorst v. Panhorst, 277 N.C. 664 (1971). In order to prove abandonment, you must prove all 3 elements. 

4)     Abandonment is not grounds for alimony, but it may be a factor for the judge to consider. I think that generally when people ask whether they can sue for abandonment, what they are really asking is whether they can use the abandonment to help them get alimony. There was a time when abandonment was grounds for alimony in North Carolina. N.C.G.S. 50-16.2 said that “A dependent spouse is entitled to an order for alimony when…the supporting spouse abandons the dependent spouse.” However, 50-16.2 was repealed in 1995 and replaced by N.C.G.S. 50-16.3A. Under 50-16.3A, “In determining the amount, duration, and manner of payment of alimony, the court shall consider all relevant factors, including the marital misconduct of either of the spouses…” According to N.C.G.S. 50-16.1A(3)(b), “marital misconduct” includes “abandonment of the other spouse.” So, all that means is that a judge should consider abandonment in determining the amount and duration of alimony, but abandonment itself is neither grounds for nor a bar to the receipt of alimony. Also, I think it’s important to keep in mind the definition of abandonment, which says that if there is justification for leaving it’s not abandonment.

5) Abandoning your property may affect your rights with regard to that property. In this paragraph, I’m talking about the physical act of going somewhere and leaving your property behind. For one thing, if you move out of your home, your spouse may be able to keep you out of the home under the domestic criminal trespass statute. N.C.G.S. 14-134.3 says that (note – this is a very simplified interpretation and may or may not apply to the specific facts of your situation) if you move out of the marital residence and then try to re-enter you may be guilty of a misdemeanor. Additionally, abandoning your property may (but doesn’t always) make it harder to get that property back in the separation agreement or equitable distribution suit.

6) Abandoning your children may make it more difficult to regain custody, and may even be grounds for termination of your parental rights. Although in a custody dispute between a parent and a third-party the parent generally has a protected status, the parent loses that status if he or she has abandoned the child. And under N.C.G.S. 7B-1111, abandonment is grounds for termination of parental rights. 

 Hopefully I’ve now cleared up some of the common misconceptions surrounding abandonment. As I’ve said before, the best thing to do is consult with an attorney BEFORE you move out so that you can plan accordingly.

The Servicemember’s Civil Relief Act (the “SCRA”) provides for a stay of court proceedings for at least 90 days upon a proper motion by the servicemember. The SCRA requires the servicemember requesting the stay to provide (1) a statement showing how the servicemember’s military duty affects his or her ability to appear, (2) a date when the servicemember will be available to appear, (3) a communication from the servicemember’s commanding officer stating that the servicemember’s current military duty prevents his or her appearance and (4) a communication from the commanding officer stating that military leave is not authorized for the servicemember. If all 4 conditions are met, the court is required to stay the proceedings for 90 days. If the servicemember will be gone longer than 90 days, he or she may request an additional stay, which the court has discretion to either grant or deny.

One issue, however, is the way in which the SCRA relates to other laws governing domestic issues, such as child custody. There seems to be a legitimate argument that when a servicemember who is the primary caretaker is sent oversees for a length of time, that constitutes a substantial change of circumstances which may justify modification of the existing custody arrangement. The best practice would be to resolve the matter prior to deployment, but of course that’s not always possible. While the custodial parent has discretion over child care arrangements on a day-to-day basis, leaving the child with family members or others for a year is, in many ways, the same thing as granting custody to that third party. The law is quite clear in North Carolina that a natural parent has a right to custody of the child which is superior to the custody rights of third parties, unless that parent is unfit or has acted in a way which is inconsistent with his or her status as a parent. So, shouldn’t the civilian parent be granted custody, at least for the time the servicemember is away? On the other hand, if it has already been determined that it would be in the child’s best interests for the servicememeber to have primary custody, shouldn’t he or she be allowed to determine what would be best for the child while he or she is deployed?

Or, what about the dependent spouse who desperately needs postseparation support from the servicemember/supporting spouse? Should we require the servicemember to pay PSS without a proper hearing and opportunity to defend their suit? Or should we require the dependent spouse to go without support until the servicemember returns?

Unfortunately, there just doesn’t appear to be an easy answer to these questions. The best a judge (and the parties and their attorneys) can do is determine each case on its facts, and apply the SCRA, statutes and case law accordingly.

In order for the court to award alimony, the judge must find that:

     1) One spouse is dependent,

     2) One spouse is supporting, and

     3) An award of alimony is equitable after considering all relevant factors

N.C.G.S. 50-16.3A says that the amount, duration and manner of payment of alimony are in the court’s discretion. The judge must consider “all relevant factors.” The statute also lists specific 16 factors that the judge must consider in determing the amount of alimony and how long the supporting spouse must pay.   

Although North Carolina is a no-fault divorce state and marital infidelity is typically not relevant to divorce proceedings, whether one spouse had an affair is extremely important in an action for alimony. N.C.G.S. 50-16.3A says that if the dependent spouse had an affair, that spouse is barred from receiving alimony. Or, if the supporting spouse had an affair, the court must award alimony to the dependent spouse. If both spouses cheated, the award of alimony is back in the court’s discretion.

Beside infidelity, the two most important factors are typically the length of the marriage and the income of the parties. There is no absolute rule on the relationship between the length of the marriage and the duration of alimony, but typically, in a marriage of 10 years or less, alimony will not be awarded for longer than 1/2 of the length of the marriage. And if the income of both spouses is roughly the same, alimony will typically not be awarded to either. Of course, the results of each case depend on the specific facts involved.

It is important to note that a claim for alimony must be brought either with, or before, the divorce. This can be a huge problem for the dependent spouse who waits until the divorce is finalized before asking for alimony, because once the divorce is final, a suit for alimony is barred.  

N.C.G.S. 51-3 lists the specific occasions when a marriage can be annulled, which I have paraphrased below:

     1) The parties are related closer than first cousins

     2) The parties are double first cousins

     3) Either party is under 16 years of age

     4) Bigamy

     5) Either party is “physically impotent”

     6) Either party is incapable of understanding what it means to be married

Then, the statute gives some important ”buts”:

     1) If one of the parties dies and the parties lived together and had a kid, the only ground for annulment is bigamy 

     2) If either of the parties is under 16 years old but is otherwise competent to marry, and the wife is pregnant or a child was born to the parties, the marriage cannot be annulled unless the child is deceased at the time the action to annul is filed

     3) If the marriage was entered into under the belief that the wife was pregnant, and the parties separate within 45 days, and the separation has been for more than 1 year, the marriage is voidable unless a child was born within 10 months of the marriage

Additionally, N.C.G.C. 51-2(c) states that if a person is under 18 years old and procures a marriage license through fraud or misrepresentation, a parent of the underage party (or a person or organization having custody) can bring an action to annul the marriage.

Of course, as I say every time, the best thing to do if you would like to get an annulment is to contact an attorney who can tell you how the statutes and case law apply to your specific situation. But typically, if you want out of the marriage, you’re going to have to live separate and apart for 12 months first.

The idea is that if you know both parents’ gross incomes and a couple of other key pieces of information, child support calculations should be straight forward. You just put the numbers in the chart and out comes the child support amount. A child support calculator can be found here. Of course, it’s not always that simple. For example, before you can determine what the amount of child support should be, you need to know which worksheet to use (there are 3 to choose from). Or, how do you determine gross income if one of the parents owns a business? Or is paid in cash and doesn’t report all of his or her income?

Additionally, there is only a “rebuttable presumption” that the Guidelines apply. That means that in some cases, the amount of child support will vary from that calculated under the Guidelines. The two most common scenarios for variation are:

     1) Court deviates – In cases involving extremely low or extremely high incomes, the court can deviate from the Guidelines. Or, if the court for some other reason finds that the Guidelines would either not meet or would exceed the support required for the child(ren), the court may deviate.

     2) The parties set their own amount – If the parties can agree on an amount of child support, they are free to do so regardless of what the Guideline amount would be. If the parties include this amount in a Separation Agreement, there is a presumption that this amount meets the reasonable needs of the child, and that presumption must be overcome before the court can award a different amount.

In order to modify a judicially-ordered amount of child support, the party seeking modification must show a substantial change of circumstances. The Guidelines state that a substantial change of circumstances will be presumed if the order was entered more than 3 years ago, and the new amount would be either 15% more or 15% less than the previous amount. Events such as losing a job or changing jobs can also constitute a change of circumstances. If one of the parents has another child, the amount of support required for that child will be taken into consideration in determining the new child support amount, but the birth of the child, on its own, is not a change of circumstances which warrants modification.

N.C.G.S. 50-13.4 states that child support terminates when the child is emancipated, or upon the later of the child turning 18 or graduating from high school or other specified events.

 Alienation of Affections – The elements for alienation of affections are: (1) A marriage with love and affection, (2) which is destroyed by, (3) the wrongful acts of a third party. So, although the typical AA case involves adultery or marital infidelity, any intervenor can be liable as long as the elements are present.

 Criminal Conversation – The elements of criminal conversation are: (1) A marriage, (2) sexual intercourse with a third party. So, unlike AA, the third party can only be liable if there were actually instances of extramarital sexual contact. However, criminal conversation appears to have no requirement that the affair actually destroy the marriage.

 North Carolina is one of only a handful of states that still allows a cause of action for adultery. Is this a good thing? That’s the debate. On one hand, these suits allow an innocent spouse to recover against a third party for interfering with his or her marriage. On the other hand, these suits kind of shift the responsibility from the “guilty” spouse to the third party, which may not always be appropriate.

Now, before you run off and sue your cheating spouse’s paramour, make sure you check with your attorney so you know all of your options. In my opinion, alienation of affections and criminal conversations are not appropriate in every case where there has been infidelity. For one thing, the case can be expensive. In order to be successful, you may have to hire a private investigator, which can cost thousands of dollars. In addition, these cases can take significant amounts of the attorney’s time, which will also cost you. So, financially, the suit is only worth it if the third party has sufficient assets to enable you to recover more than you paid. Of course, there’s often more than just the financial implications to consider.